How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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