she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
