dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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