Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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