My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
