so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize