Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
