I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
