its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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