didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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