What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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