I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
