I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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