It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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