mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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