My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
