just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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