you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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