Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
