No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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