It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
