yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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