I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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