he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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