all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
