Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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