party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
