im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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