sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
