the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
