My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
