i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
