ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
