based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
