you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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