She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
