my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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