O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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