Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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