How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
