youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
