Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
