as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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