Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
