Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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