You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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