remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
