In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
