The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
