Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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