party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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