I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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