just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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