I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
