Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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