she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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