Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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