when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this hospital has no fireball
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
