we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
