Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hippo gnu deer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
