you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
