Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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