she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
