Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
