there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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