already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
