I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
