UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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