i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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