The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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