i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
