Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
